Introduction,

    Loss is a part of life we all deal with, a friend, family member, teammate, coach, it all hurts in the same way. And the pain sticks with you, but when that special person passes, time continues to tick, sand continues to poor, and life moves on…. That person wouldn’t want you to be down in the dumps feeling sad, they would want you to keep moving forward until that initial feeling of dread is gone. On that topic,

The Initial Feeling,

    Now it needs to be said, grieving is okay, the hurting is okay temporarily. You don’t want to wallow in your sadness, but loss is a real serious issue and in the beginning, it’s okay to be upset, it’s okay to be in denial. This brings me to the topic of the seven stages of grief, they include, 

• Shock and denial. This is a state of disbelief and numbed feelings.
• Pain and guilt. …
• Anger and bargaining. …
• Depression. …
• The upward turn. …
• Reconstruction and working through. …
• Acceptance and hope.

Now after about a week you’ve probably begun to let the relaxation settle in that, sadly, this person isn’t coming back. You may feel that “It’s all my fault,” or “I could’ve done more,” but in reality, some people are beyond help before you meet them. The second stage of grief is the most self-destructive stage, you need to give yourself space, but don’t burn the bridges of other relationships. You need to understand in your mind that you didn’t do this, you’re not to blame, this person cared for you and whatever happened to them wasn’t your fault. After moving through the second stage and moving into the third stage you might start to feel angry, with either the world, yourself, other people, etc.  Connecting to a personal experience I lost my best friend to suicide in march of 2020, her name is Abby and I knew her for the entirety of my life, personally the second and third stages sort of blurred together for me, I was angry with myself wanting to do more, thinking I could’ve done more. But when someone has this sickness, because that’s what it is, a sickness. They sometimes can’t be helped, and you need to accept that. In this third stage, you need to find a positive way to output some of that negative energy. Maybe for you, that’s going to the gym, or maybe it’s making music, just all you need to know is how to change that negative energy into something positive. And let’s talk about the fourth stage which is the one I personally struggled with the most. Depression in teens is already an issue enough, with social media, and high standards, and competition, it can be a difficult or maybe the worst part of your life. Because honestly high school sucks, but you gotta make those sucky moments into something positive. The best way to deal with depression is to talk about your emotions. Find someone you trust and let everything out, it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be angry. And for some, this may be easy and you have a good support group to go to, but others may not have that kind of person to talk to, if you are truly struggling there are some great support groups. (Try visiting this website to find someone to help you or a case that you relate to https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/ny/hauppauge) The upward turn is the fifth stage, this is when you may notice things start to get better. You have gotten through the hardest part and are on the right path to recovery and acceptance, celebrate the life of the person you care about. You’re getting better, now is the time to start moving on and trying to get back to normal. It can take 3-6 months to get to this point, after that it’s a straight shot to… Reconstruction, at this point you have given yourself healthy time to grieve most likely. You’ve made it though! Great job I know that person would be so proud. This is the time to rebuild normality, get back into your routine, and start to do the things you like to do. And finally, so we’ve gotten through them all, Acceptance and Hope. This is the final stage and the easiest, At this stage, you’ve accepted that the person is gone and you are okay with that because you have all the memories you’ve made with said person. 

Top Ways to Cope

   Now you may be wondering, “I’ve been told to give myself time to grieve and cope, but how do I do that?” And to be completely honest, everyone copes in their own way. But come ways are unhealthy, and there are a lot healthier alternatives. 

  Examples of ways to cope: 

• Share memories with friends and family

  Talking about the person you lost is a very important part of coping. It allows you to remember the best things about this person, and share the best things about them with others. If you can not directly speak about this person because of the thoughts in your mind try closing your eyes and envisioning that person in your mind, it may make it easier to speak/think about them. Or you could try to,

• Start a Journal or Diary

  Now I understand that this sounds stupid, but it works. Writing down your thoughts on paper is a lot easier than saying them out loud. Sometimes, people, have problems getting out what they want to say, so writing them down could help. But there is always the option to just,

• Cry

  So I feel in girls that it is easier to let out your emotions and share with others, and you may have thought and done this already so this is more important for guys. Crying is okay, growing up you may have been told like me that strong boys don’t cry, or crying shows weakness but it is the best way to let emotions out and you can do it alone. And if none of the previous options worked try,

• Writing a letter and leaving it at the grave

  Writing a letter is similar to starting a journal but it’s less commitment and it’s a short endeavor so if you’re not that type of person to commit to something like that this may be easier. Leaving the letter at the grave may give closure because you may feel like you’re giving the letter directly to the person in a way. 

Staying Connected to your community 

  Moving forward after a death is hard and you need good support groups, as I mentioned prior there are great support groups in the Hauppauge area, and the link is attached to the article. There are many different ways to stay connected and have your team, family, and overall community support you in the hard era of your life. Ways to communicate your feelings and stay connected are as follows: 

• Having an open discussion about the one who passed away, 

  Being able to talk things through is an important people skill in life and especially in grieving. Talking to people helps us as humans to release certain emotions related to how we are currently feeling in the moment. 

• Set up a chat group

  By this, I mean with new relationships to form in your area, allow opportunities for new friendships to blossom, and allow you to start to move forward. 

Conclusion:  Finally it is important to never forget this person because even tho they are gone they will never be forgotten.